1.) Lets start with pregnancy and this so called glow… the only time I was glowing was when I had a hot flash or when I was trying to hold my bladder so I didn’t pee myself.
2.) Labor- I REMEMBERED EVERYTHING. ( all though the pay off was more than worth the pain )
3.) After you have a child you now have to wear a pad or a panty liner every day for the rest of your life, that is unless you want to risk the embarrassment of peeing your self every time you laugh, cough, sneeze, exercise, or the one that sneaks up on you for no reason at all.
4.) Privacy no longer exists. By locking the door you have only worsened the problem, rather than sitting on the pot telling your child not to turn on the faucets and to get out of your hairspray, now you have one angry toddler screaming and banging the door with little tiny fingers under the door.
5.) You will become a detective. This is extremely important in the case of who took who’s ba ba ( read # 8 for more info on ba ba)
6.) The mom bag! Instead of looking for a cute designer bag you now look for an over the shoulder bag with multiple pockets (for diapers, snacks, ect.) and a busy pattern that will hide any spit up that may or may not be on it.
7.) Move over Dr. Oz and make room for Dr. Mom! Knowing what medicine goes with what and what time to give what along with what should and shouldn’t be taken with food can get complicated. Not to mention knowing exactly where to place a band aid and which creams do and do not burn.
8.) You now speak a new language with words such as ba ba, b, and blankie, but not limited to hanny, cuppy cake, and bo bo
9.) You will become a master Chef! Not only will you need to whether to by cheese puffs or cheese balls ( there is a HUGE difference if you are 2) you will also have to learn which foods go next to each other on the plate (don’t screw this up!). You will also need to learn how to sneak vegetables in foods without changing the taste, texture, look or color of the foods, this can be tricky!
10.) And lastly you will become judgmental- Your baby is perfect, other babies do not compare.